“All we have is time.”

if a person clearly doesn’t share the feelings you have for him or her, then stop chasing.
it doesn’t make that person change perspectives, it’s just desperate and weird.

on the other hand, remember: ladies; if a guy likes you, then he will do his damnedest to be with you, no hesitation. if he shows he doesn’t give a crap, then i believe he genuinely doesn’t give a crap. guys; if a girl likes you, she won’t take advantage of you so often. if she seems manipulative and a little shady, chances are, she really is.

get it straight please.

p.s. thank you to the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You

:)

keep moving.

“And if you have a minute, why don’t we go talk about it somewhere only we know?” Keane

So, relating to my post from earlier, I mentioned that I have my own story about love at first sight, or something close to it. Here it goes:

Snow covered the roads everywhere I looked. To my right, I could simply go home, lay into a warm, stiff bed, and close my eyes and let my nightmares take me in. To my left, a Christmas party is waiting. An apartment filled with new friends drinking their night away. I choose the latter. I don’t know where my rationality went, but I can feel in my stomach that it would be a good choice.

I turn my steering wheel to the left and drive towards the apartment. Two minutes later, I’m in the parking lot and receive a text from him again.

“Whenever you’re ready, I just really want that necklace back because it’s important to me”. Of course. It meant a lot to me too, at the time. But I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to think about the person who is so willing to make me feel as low as I possibly can feel. It’s funny how falling in love seems so easy, but falling out is slow and painful.

But as I step outside of my car into the biting cold, I want to keep my mind off all of it. I don’t need to get drunk, but I’d like to drink in the company of friends and happiness. I walk up the stairs to the second floor, blinking back the tears ready to fall. I look up and see two people in ridiculous sweaters smoking.

The whole theme of this party was ugly Christmas sweaters. It’s amazing how people can be so into the spirit. I thought Christmas spirit was slowly dying too.

I walk up and hug a good friend of mine. He asks how I’m holding up. I lie without looking him in the eyes. Didn’t have the heart to say how I wanted to curl up and hide. As I turn to greet the other person my friend was trying to introduce me to, a flood of people come stumbling out of the door. They all drunkenly hug me, say hello, and let me know how happy they are to see me.

But that very second, everything went quiet.

Not literally, but I was able to tune out all of the noise around me. I look up to see a pair of dark brown eyes looking back at me. Not in an awkward way. Not in an uncomfortable way, which is unusual considering I just met this person two hours ago, but I can already look him in the eyes. I knew people were hugging me and asking me how I was doing. I can hear people laughing and asking if I was going to drink with them. I can tell I was starting to feel my fingers going a little numb from the cold. But none of it mattered. All I could feel at that moment was the intensity of moment we were sharing. I couldn’t hear anything except my heartbeat. But there was something else I could hear. My thoughts.

When it ended, it felt like the volume in the real world was turned to ten again. But even though it ended, this feeling inside of me was still burning with the same intensity. With just one look, he had me. I wanted to know everything about this guy. His favorite animal, color, number, day, the works. I had no idea what this feeling was. I never once felt this with anyone before. I never met a person who can turn down the volume in the world. I never met anyone who can hold me in his gaze for so long without making me feel uncomfortable. I never met anyone I wanted to know more than the person standing in front of me, ugly sweater and all.

We spent that whole night talking. Our thoughts were scattered together. Random conversations about everything in the world. Nothing restricted us. The apartment was filled with tipsy coworkers, but it felt like it was just us.

The next two weeks was filled with more happiness than I could have ever imagined. I didn’t know what to call it. I was scared to call it love. I didn’t want to fall into the same rut I continue to fall into. But the feeling burning like a tiny star in the middle of my chest was itching to burst. Yet every second of it felt amazing. From the hours or conversation, to the first kiss, to the times where we didn’t even have to speak, it was all amazing.

Then, the night came where we knew he had to leave. As I laid my head down on his lap watching a movie, the three words I was scared to think of popped into my head, only this time, I accepted it with all of my heart.

I love him. I fell. He had me from the first look. One look. Two weeks. Three words.
I’ll always be here waiting. This type of love I only get once. I’ll make it count.

For people who believe in love at first sight, do they ever stop looking? (I actually got that from a movie, guess which one?) I always thought that I’ll only believe in love at first sight when I see it, whether it happens to me or happens to a couple I know. I’m still not too sure of how it works to look at someone for the first time and then suddenly know you two should be together. A part of me knows what that’s like, but it’s still a little unknown to me.

I keep a very open meaning on love. It’s hard to use the phrase, “I love you,” so loosely. When I tell someone, “I love you,” I’m letting that person know he/she holds a special place in my life and my heart. Not just anyone can get to that level.

All of my past relationships were riddled with trials and errors. I loved at the time, but I believe that true love goes beyond just the period of time you are with a certain person. I believe to truly love someone, you love him or her in spite of everything. To the point where even if that person is gone, all you want is for that person to be happy. To the point where selflessness goes hand in hand with the thought of that person. I believe that’s what love is.

When I use my definition of love for all of my past relationships, I only loved a few. I’m happy to say that they are happy and leading fulfilling lives. That’s all I want for them. I’m not angry or bitter about any of it. I learned to forgive mistakes and learned to forgive myself for my own stupidity.

I love my family. My parents are amazing people. My sister is an incredible person. I admire all of them.
I love my best friend. No matter how many times he’s been knocked down, he got back up. We are there for each other. No matter what.

People have their own way of telling the stories of how they fell in love. I’m happy to say I finally have my own.
Maybe in another post later I can write about it. For now, I have to get to work…

The All-American Rejects ft. Catherine Pierce Another Heart Calls

love this song.

Am I? I’d like to think I am.

Living vicariously probably means something completely different to me than it does to others. I’m sure there are some people who think it means i spend my youth going out trying all types of new things out there. Some people think that I should be drinking and doing God knows what. Others could think that it should be about seeing the things I haven’t.

Want to know what I think?
Living vicariously to me is living with no regrets. I’ve done as much as I could at the age I’m at right now. I strive to be content with my life. I choose simplicity over complexity. I make my choices for living because it’ll benefit my life. My choices are not for others’ happiness anymore.

I don’t drink. Only once. Not again for a while
I don’t smoke. It’s just been a lot of second-hand
I don’t do crazy drugs. Nope. not once
I don’t go out every weekend. I tried a few times. It’s just tiring

I work. 5-6 days a week.
I go to school. I need it.
I handle my responsibilities. I’m 20. I’m not a little kid anymore.
I hang out with friends I trust. Who else can I hang out with?

I make my choices. I don’t regret any of them. Yes, I’ve had a few hardships, but what life doesn’t? If I wasn’t alright, I’d do something to change it. Life’s too short to sit around and complain of what could have been. It’s better to stand up and do what I want now. I’m sure the way everyone lives is different, but I think the meaning is still the same. Live without regrets; that’s what living vicariously means to me.